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Let me...entertain you.  Although in all seriousness, I'm not sure if I've ever "come out" to this extent. I am a feminine genderqueer pansexual. I knew early in life, say, about seven years old, that I was attracted to both sexes. I didn't know until middle school that it was considered a bad thing, and I found out the hard way freshman year of high school. It took me 'til mid sophomore year to accept and embrace myself. I happen to be more attracted to masculine looking people, and therefore am pretty much able to pass for heterosexual to anyone who doesn't know me. But it is not something I vie for, because I am not ashamed of my sexual orientation. Identifying with the LGBT movement has changed my life in so many ways. It has enabled me to pursue activism to its fullest, lobbying assemblymembers and senators and protesting on my state capitol. It has taught me tolerance, acceptance, and love. Not only for my fellow man, but myself. It has also been painful. It was painful to come out to "friends" and have them think it was a bit 'weird'. It was painful to endure insults about my sexuality and the imperfection of my body in the showers just because my two friends were open lesbians. It was painful getting shoved down the hallways with snide remarks before I learned to carry myself with pride. It was painful to live with unrequited love for my best female friend and feel frightened to even express it to anyone for a year still being uncomfortable with myself. It IS painful everyday to see evidence of homophobia in our society, whether it is a clear as a man in a devil suit holding a sign saying "Fags go to hell", or as vague as a nicely worded proposition trying to take away our civil rights. My name is Courtney, and I am a genderqueer pansexual. And I am proud to say that to you today. I am also proud to call you my friends. Welcome to my thoughts, age 5 to 16. ( It's gonna be the future soon. ) Ever get a glimpse of the person you want to be? Ever get discouraged when you realized how very far you are from that? Tell me. I'm tired, but I'd like to take a moment to be publicly grateful for all I have. Everyone has things they don't blog about. Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll write a post about it. Ask for anything: latest movie watched, last book read, political leanings, thoughts on lima beans, favorite type of underwear, etc. Comments are screened. Names will not be used. Post coming tonight. :D My driving appointment is in Fullerton next Friday. Then I will be licensed. Wish me luck. Current mood:  nervous.
Ten Things I Love That Start With the Letter H 1) Hot food (as in spicy) 2) Hair. On the head and face. And the play, although I'm pretty unfamiliar. 3) Helen Reddy. SCREW YOU, I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR. 4) Heart. Oooh, barracuda. 5) Heath Ledger 6) House M.D. 7) Hammer, Captain 8) Horrible, Doctor 9) Hamming it up. 10) Humming. (Comment and I'll give you a letter; then you have to list ten things you love that begin with that letter. Afterward, post this in your journal and give out some letters of your own.) I should know better than to post in my late-night stressouts. I'll keep off the subject. Instead, lookit this: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080707/ts_ Hopefully it only lasts the 24 hours it's expected to. I always think the problem is other people, but no, just me. I've been lying here, stressing, crying, for over an hour. I've been trying to think of a way to phrase things, but it always comes out to, "blah blah blah I'm still miserable even though my life is wonderful and I am a spoiled little brat". I'm sick of me. |
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